Sunday, June 26, 2005

My Last Will and Testament.

My mother and I have been talking about this lately and I've come to the conclusion that I do, indeed, want to be cremated. But not just that, (I think I've wanted that every since I realized that I wasn’t going to live forever...) now I'm going into specifics:

1) I want my ashes put into the gaudiest tin can available. (Do not spend a penny more than is totally necessary, or I swear to God I will come back and haunt you!)

2) I want that tin can along with a photo/story album showing some of the stupidest crap I've done in my life to go to my Mother. After her, I want it to be passed around from relative to relative and maybe even to friends. My main message being that even though you’re a dork, you can still live a happy life. I don’t want the people I love (or would have loved,) to ever feel like they have to sacrifice happiness for acceptance.

And finally, 3) I want all my worldly possessions to go to my "family". I’ll not specify what I mean by "family", let’s just say that all my shit goes to whoever can nab it first... But I want it video taped :o) (I'd like to think that it would some day make it to America’s Funniest Home Videos, but hey, I could really care less... Because hello! I’ll be dead! I just like the thought that the video will be circulating out there somewhere after I’m gone...)

Yeah. I think that about does it. Can you guys think of anything else I can add to this list to make it more fun?

21 Comments:

Blogger Vavoom said...

I say have your ashes put into an hour glass. Seems like a cool way to spend the rest of your time. Time, get it? Ha ha ha... actually that wasn't funny.

12:32 AM  
Blogger RT said...

No! That IS funny! I wonder how hard it would be to get something like that... (?)

1:03 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

Didn't they make a reality show based on that same idea? hahahah

1:22 AM  
Blogger RT said...

Did they???

Dammit. I thought I was being original...

Wait a minute, I AM being original... they stole the idea from me! Jerks!

LOL, and here I came back over to ask Vavoom if he's been reading FantasticAlice's Blog...

ya gotta love this group! How did I get so lucky???

1:28 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Liv! They found you through my links!! And I found you through Jill. She doesn't remember, but she left me a comment eons ago. Anyhow, just ask them. Though, I have no idea how in the hell how they found me. I'm glad they found you, too. You're great.

As for the cremation, I've known for a really long time now that I want to be cremated. I just want my ashes thrown over a body of water, to exlude the toilet thanks.

The only problem I see with it, is the the whole "outlet" part. I know that there are times I really just need to hang-out with my dad, so I go visit his grave and let it out. I don't know where I'd go if he'd been cremated. So it leaves me to wonder where would those that needed those outlet day's for me.

I was thinking maybe finding a place I like to go around here, and letting them know that. So they can go there like I did.

Your ideas are too cute. Funny indeed. Your family and friends would be thinking, "she's STILL a dork." I love it.

2:23 AM  
Blogger Chrissie said...

RT I think U should take an item that U think would suit one of UR friends/relatives.......
Package it up and address it (hmmmmm not sure of the addressing bit....what if they move....?) OK maybe address it and instruct that they must be posted when UR gone.....
Then that friend/relative can have something of U picked by U as a final reminder of U!!!!

On another note I want to be buried in a woodland cematary in a cardboard coffin with a tree as my headstone......I want to fertilise the ground and the tree can go towards saving the planet......

8:35 AM  
Blogger Fred said...

I'm sending this post to my lawyer to have my will changed. Word for word.

Suddenly, I'm looking forward to leaving this planet.

9:22 AM  
Blogger Vavoom said...

rt: Yup, I'm reading Alice's blog...

4:42 PM  
Blogger Mentally Challenged said...

Help support your mother while dead.
In your will allow her to rent out
the tin can and ashes for big bucks
as an "upscale decorative ash can".

11:52 PM  
Blogger thc said...

Who gets your blog?

12:33 AM  
Blogger Vavoom said...

Hands off, thc... this blog is all mine once RT's in the hourglass!

2:47 AM  
Blogger RT said...

Ah! Some more good ideas!

(Seeing how this seems to be the popular way to respond nowadays...)

Jenn: Ya got me pegged! I even want my "spirit" to be a dork :o)

While I can understand about having a place to visit, I'm still not sure I would want that for myself (or my loved ones.) I mean, what if the place I choose is in another state or something? It would be hard for them to get there, and I wouldn't want to put that kind of pressure on them...

Chrissie! Good idea! But rather than sending out personal items (which would be way hard to do once I'm dead... even if it is comical, lol,) maybe I could have keychains to hand out at the funeral with little eyeballs on them? You know, the "I'm watching you ;o)" thing? It would be creepy, funny, and maybe even comforting all at once.

Fred: Uh huh, dying doesn't seem so scary when you think about all the fun you can have with it, does it?

Vavoom: I knew it! I saw that hourglass she had after I read your comment and thought, "The man's good!" I would have never thought of it.

Mentally Challenged: Careful man. That idea might actually catch on.

and TCH: What do you mean? Hopefully everyone that reads my blog "gets it"... Or at least they won't tell me and make me feel like a total duffus if they don't...

Oh! One more thing to add to my list:

If you're at my funeral or sending condolences to my fam or friends, please don't try to comfort them by saying that I've gone on to a better place. That just kills me! If you believe in heaven and hell, then you know that not everyone gets to go to the "better place." And whether I will or not is totally up in the air right now... So please don't torture my loved ones like that!

3:06 AM  
Blogger RT said...

LMAO! OK, I "get it" now!

Hands off both of you! I ain't dead yet :p

Although, I do have an odd tingling sensation in my arm... Oh wait. Nope, that's just from typing too much.

False alarm!

3:14 AM  
Blogger Mike Leslie said...

I definately like the hourglass idea. I have never given much thought to a will and the rest of it; I know I am not gonna live forever. Gonna have to mull this over...

1:33 PM  
Blogger thc said...

Of course everyone "gets" your blog, RT. My question was, who are you going to leave it to in your will? Who gets it?

1:52 PM  
Blogger RT said...

LOL THC, ya gotta forgive me, I'm not always right in the head. :o)

Hmmm... Who will I leave my blog to? I don't know, it would be considered a worldly possession, right? I guess you guys will just have to duke it out for it. *chuckle chuckle*

Hey Mike! Glad you finally made it over! I was starting to worry about you ;o)

3:29 PM  
Blogger An80sNut said...

1) no group urination in the tin can
2) no playing kick the can
3) Martin gets a free go at me in the hospital before I'm gone

7:15 PM  
Blogger Vavoom said...

I agree with Martin... No group urination in the can. Now it's time for the fine print, your will won't have any restrictions on us lining up to pee in the can.

God, what has this discussion turned into?

3:18 AM  
Blogger RT said...

Alright you two, while I'm all up for your #3 Martin, there will be no, and I mean NO urination in the tin. Period.

However, as long as you make sure the lid is on tight, I don't mind if the kiddies play kick the can with it. :D

10:21 AM  
Anonymous johnny said...

yes, i can think of one other thing, the tin can you mention, how about we put you in one that was given to us at christmas with some god awful treats that our neighbors dog turned down. and you have been holding on to this damn tin can all these years for some reason schlepping it around with you from town to town, well now i know the reason why i kept it. i offer up my tin can that someone gave me years ago for your ashes to rest in and every year the bearer of this tin can must rap it up and give it to another close friend of yours as a christmas gift, to forever be reciecled( is that how you spell that word?) untill all the people who knew you are dead themselves and one of thier desendants find it and wonder " what the Hell was this"?

8:28 PM  
Blogger RT said...

'Oly Shit! That was a delayed response Johnny. :o)

That would be pretty funny... I just hope I don't get mixed up with the other awlful treats and end up with the neighbors dog.

12:46 PM  

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