Very Old Testament Found!
Yes, you heard right! A new old testament has been found at the Vatican.
Sources say that, while cleaning house, the new Pope ran across what most believe to be a third testament (commonly referred to as Episode III, even though it takes place before Genesis.)
This new addition focuses mostly on Hell, which -if I’m understanding this correctly- used to be a day spa for angels. Apparently, the angels were to busy lolligagging about to stay fit, so when they got a little flabby, God would send them to Hell to get back into shape.
"First, there was the supernatural sauna. The angels had to stay in the heat for at least 40 days. The boiling oil that’s poured on sinners to torment them was originally massage oil. And much of the manual labor suffered by the damned actually provided a light workout for an angel."
And the news goes on and on...
Satan himself was the best fitness instructor around, so of course he got stuck with the job once God decided to make Hell a punishment for mankind...
But hey! You don’t have to take my word for it, you can read all about it in the July 18th edition of the Weekly World News, which we all know is "The World’s Only Reliable Newspaper."
Seriously, I don’t know why we would even doubt it. :o)
Sources say that, while cleaning house, the new Pope ran across what most believe to be a third testament (commonly referred to as Episode III, even though it takes place before Genesis.)
This new addition focuses mostly on Hell, which -if I’m understanding this correctly- used to be a day spa for angels. Apparently, the angels were to busy lolligagging about to stay fit, so when they got a little flabby, God would send them to Hell to get back into shape.
"First, there was the supernatural sauna. The angels had to stay in the heat for at least 40 days. The boiling oil that’s poured on sinners to torment them was originally massage oil. And much of the manual labor suffered by the damned actually provided a light workout for an angel."
And the news goes on and on...
Satan himself was the best fitness instructor around, so of course he got stuck with the job once God decided to make Hell a punishment for mankind...
But hey! You don’t have to take my word for it, you can read all about it in the July 18th edition of the Weekly World News, which we all know is "The World’s Only Reliable Newspaper."
Seriously, I don’t know why we would even doubt it. :o)
posted by RT at 10:58 PM
4 Comments:
This is why I don't read the Bible. I've tried and I've gotten past the City of Babble.
I have a hard time believing verses and such just appear like that. I remember feeling like that with The New Testament when I was just a little girl.
I do believe in God, whole heartedly. I pray and I look to him for comfort and help. Forgiveness if/when I need it. But I still don't know about all the "we JUST found this" after thousands of years. Who wrote the Bible anyway? It's an arguement that we will never really have the answer to 'til we get "there." So I leave it in God's hands.
Oh Jenn! I am so glad you asked that. "Who wrote the Bible anyway?"
In all honesty, I have no idea Who wrote the Bible. I know who they Say wrote the Bible, but...
OK, here's a great blog that has gone into much detail and research to find out the truth and spell it out for those of us who have questions:
http://butforthegrace.blogspot.com/
His post on "Brief Survey of the English Bible" in particular.
I've had a problem with the Bible every since I was old enough to read and understand exactly what they were saying, so I know where you're coming from.
Just to let you know, the original post is for fun. Weekly World News is about as creditable as that documentary I saw on how spaghetti is harvested from trees...
Is this the paper that always has aliens on the cover and it is always placed right next to the enquirer? Yeah I agree, it is where I get all my credible source of information :) I must have missed that issue. I have a picture in my mind of the new pope with a duster in his hands :)
That'd be the one Teri! Actually, I had a hard time picking between the two, but the "Moon To Explode In 6 Months" headline won out :o)
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