Thursday, February 22, 2007

Geesh o Frickin' Petes

I am so bored with my life!

This town has sucked so much out of me, I can’t even carry on a decent conversation with anyone... Not that anyone around here cares to actually think about anything, they just want to regurgitate that same old crap. And the only hot topics seem to be gossip about someone else.

Yea.

I’ve been retreating into a world of books and films, but you know how that is, it’s never quite right. And I’m too embarrassed to post anything, because I’m so far behind what’s real in the world...

I can’t help but to feel like I’m being slowly suffocated.

8 Comments:

Blogger LoraLoo said...

Hey there! 'Bout time you posted something, even if it was only to talk about the lack of anything to say. LOL

I can't say I know where your head's at, but I feel out of touch a lot of the time too. I am home so much more as a parent; all I do is work/home unless it's something directly around her. Sometimes that gets a little mind numbing.

Nice to see you're still around, anyway...

12:55 PM  
Anonymous Bar said...

can you do something wild and crazy like move to a different place, or is that out of the question?

You have tons of intelligent people such as Lora and myself, in blog land. We can discuss important and interesting things with you. Just blog and we shall appear with comments :)

4:33 PM  
Blogger RT said...

Unfortunately, moving is out of the question... Or, it has very serious consequences
if I do. I live with my Mother right now, and if I move, she'll be forced to live with one of my sisters, which she says she doesn't want to do. At the same time, she won't tell, and he won't listen to us when we tell my Uncle that we can't afford him and his habits. (Whole other situation, but a part of my problem because she doesn't want to leave him out in the cold.) In other words, I've gotten myself into this family mingle that I don't know how to get out of.

I guess that's why I feel trapped.

I know a better world, I've lived that world, I just don't know how to get back to it without tearing my family apart... I don't know, maybe I just need to suck it up and deal with the fact that life, for the most part, is miserable.

On the intellectual part, my blog is the only contact I have with the 'normal' world that I know. And I appreciate each and every person who comments here... Even the ones I don't like, lol (like that dude and the voting thing.) Trust me, I do. It's just that I feel that, rather than discussing important issues, here lately I have been using all my brain cells trying to explain mundane things to people who just will not try to understand... And their lack of understanding is making an impact on MY life.

As much as I hate to say it, the benefits of taking care of Mom are starting to be outweighed by the benefits of my future... And I feel guilty.

6:26 PM  
Anonymous jlvjy said...

can you not move your mother with you? also she is an adult and you have a life to live, you do deserve to be happy dont you? your mother has lived her life you still have one to live. and so has your uncle. he is not your nor yourmothers responsibility( i know you already know this) your mom might like a change of pace? i think your mom is fearing that she will miss her grandkids. how about a 6 months split? she can stay with you for 6 months and then with dakni for 3 and then with suzie for 3? these are just some options i am throwingout to you. i want for you to be happy and i know your not happy there but i think that you were hapy here.

11:05 PM  
Blogger RT said...

Oh Johnny, you know I'm not happy here... And you know why! I was hoping you would give me a little somethin'

Of course it's the other sisters and the grandkids, and the greatgrandkids now. She's never going to leave, no matter what I offer.

The only thing I can think of is to go and send money back home to her (like you were doing with your mom) but even then, I'm sending money for her and David... Who has family of his own! Why should I have to worry about taking care of him??? Just to keep Mom happy???

Point blank, she'll not go with me, even if it's a three month split. She wants to stay here, in this house, that we really can't afford...

11:51 PM  
Blogger RT said...

Wait a minute... What the hell am I thinking?

You have some serious persuasion over me... You have a business! You could hire the perfect guy for me! :o)

12:18 AM  
Anonymous jlvjy said...

send money home to your mom if you need to, what she does with it is her buisness. if she supports David then its on her. you need to support yourself and times are always tuff when you first move, you need to get settled in wherever you go. i know how you feel right now, ohio always suffocates me. this may sound mean but the truth is if your mom chooses to stay in ohio than thats her choice. this is your life not hers and you need to live for you not for them. why cant she live with someone else? ultimatly life is what we make it. if you keep dong the same thing your going to get the same thing always. if you want something diferent you have to take actions and in this case it may be moving without your mother. do not feel guilty for leaving, your mom will be fine. no one is going to leave her homeless. knwo this, you are not a bad person if you move away. here is something to think about, where would your mother be had you never moved back to ohio in the 1st place? i know this is not easy for you so i wish you much luck in this decision. think about what you realy want and go get it. you can not give up your life for the sake of others.

10:48 PM  
Blogger Chrissie said...

OH RT.....
You are so entitled to a life too.
How about some respite care for your Mum?
YOU DESERVE a break..
Your Mum has lived her life and you should be able to live yours too.

You have to be strong and you have to make time for YOU.

5:46 AM  

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