Was It Something I Said?
Twice, just recently, I’ve had fellow bloggers apologize to me because they thought they offended me.
I just don’t get it.
I mean, it’s nice to apologize if you suspect you’ve offended someone, but why did they think they offended me?
I feel secure in my little niche of the blogiverse, even when challenged. Otherwise I wouldn’t be talking about things that are close to my heart. Naturally, I would like others to feel just as secure.
I realize that not everyone holds the same opinions that I do, and that’s OK. It would be a pretty boring world if everyone agreed with me all the time. Not to mention, I would never learn a thing about other people. But like everyone else, I like to state my opinion, and if it’s something that I feel passionate about, I may even restate it several times until I feel I've been understood... And I expect the same from others if they feel as passionately as I do. (If they’re just talking out of their ass, it usually shows. Then it’s "on to the next subject".)
I guess I see it more as an on going conversation, and like most serious conversations, there are going to be elements that don’t always go over so well... It’s to be expected. The mind is a very complex thing, you just can’t expect it to be so one dimensional.
If it’s a matter of me going to far, or getting too far off of the subject at hand, on someone else’s blog, just tell me to shut the hell up. I won’t be offended. Heck, I do the same thing if it happens on my own blog. It’s just a sign to let the other know that we’re not going to see eye to eye on that particular subject, and it’s time to let it drop.
Is that a bad thing?
Should I be apologizing more often?
Does this happen all over the bloggin’ world? Or am I saying the wrong things? If so, how else can I word my opinions in a written conversation, and get it right the first time?
I just don’t get it.
I mean, it’s nice to apologize if you suspect you’ve offended someone, but why did they think they offended me?
I feel secure in my little niche of the blogiverse, even when challenged. Otherwise I wouldn’t be talking about things that are close to my heart. Naturally, I would like others to feel just as secure.
I realize that not everyone holds the same opinions that I do, and that’s OK. It would be a pretty boring world if everyone agreed with me all the time. Not to mention, I would never learn a thing about other people. But like everyone else, I like to state my opinion, and if it’s something that I feel passionate about, I may even restate it several times until I feel I've been understood... And I expect the same from others if they feel as passionately as I do. (If they’re just talking out of their ass, it usually shows. Then it’s "on to the next subject".)
I guess I see it more as an on going conversation, and like most serious conversations, there are going to be elements that don’t always go over so well... It’s to be expected. The mind is a very complex thing, you just can’t expect it to be so one dimensional.
If it’s a matter of me going to far, or getting too far off of the subject at hand, on someone else’s blog, just tell me to shut the hell up. I won’t be offended. Heck, I do the same thing if it happens on my own blog. It’s just a sign to let the other know that we’re not going to see eye to eye on that particular subject, and it’s time to let it drop.
Is that a bad thing?
Should I be apologizing more often?
Does this happen all over the bloggin’ world? Or am I saying the wrong things? If so, how else can I word my opinions in a written conversation, and get it right the first time?
posted by RT at 3:08 PM
19 Comments:
I think the big reason its so much easier to offend, or think you offended someone, is because the mode of communication in the blogiverse, text only, is very flat and devoid of most emotion.
No facial expressions or other body language to go with the text makes for occasionally edgy situations that otherwise wouldn't be edgy in real life.
So, in other words, I wouldn't worry bout it too much RT; but then I don't think I'm one of those who apologized for something (yet =P).
I concur. It is so easy to take things out of context when teh tone of voice and body language are unknown. Also, in this day and age most everyone is so concerned with being politically correct, they don't want to offend anyone. THere are certainly ocassions where and apology is needed but there are times when a person needs to be offended, its giving that person something to think about.
Whoa. I never even thought of that, Mike. I don't think I've ever intentionally offended someone, simply because I see no reason to. I mean, if someone gets in my face (be it blogging or otherwise) I will respond. But to intentionally put someone down? I guess I just figure they have every right to their opinion, same as I do. And usually, they're coming from the same place as I am -the facts you learn and how you interpret and let them mold you.
For god's sake, if you guys ever catch me doing that, smack me upside the head!
Both of yens are right about the lack of emotions, though. I've thought about that a few times. That and timing. Timing adds a lot too. (Too bad we're not all brilliant writers, eh? They seem to be able to do that with no problem at all.) It would be nice if there was a better way around it, than a bunch of silly-ass emoticons :p
I agree with the idea of missing tone and body language can create misunderstood expressions (sarcasm is a great example... which I tend to use often.) But, I'd also like to add that people tend to open themselves up when expressing their thoughts in writing. The things they say are digested, remembered a lot easier and often quoted more than spoken word. Some people don't take criticism well nor have the self-esteem to handle their own misrepresentations and apologize. I can say that there have been at least 3 main posts that I've put up that I've expected some negative reaction. I was wrong. hahaha
Hey RT, I am sorry that I wasn't one of those people who apologized to you for something.
Hey RT, I am sorry that I was so sarcastic in that last post about apologizing to you about nothing.
Hey RT, I am sorry that I am wasting so much space on your blog leaving sarcastic comments about not apologizing. I will stop now.
RT- I will smack Davydgrey for you :)
Thank you Teri, lol.
You won't catch me apologizing for an opinion, only when I make a mistake with facts.
We'll be happy to smack you upside the head. When can we start?
Well, it's obvious that you're refering to my post, m'lady. And I think you were peaved, but I liked it. I don't think you said anything wrong and honestly, I think they apologised because there was no arguement. I LOVE that you aren't afraid to disagree and say so.
I don't believe that you can go too far on someone's blog, if that's the case they shouldn't have comments enabled.
I say keep breaking them off some. Somebody needs to do it!
And it is easy to take things outta context, so if it happens, just set 'em straight.
You guys, I'm not ignoring you, I'm just trying to mull over some of the things you've said.
Honestly, I don't know if it's something Martin said, or if what he said caused me to take a second look at myself, but I now realize that I've been hypocritical in some of my thinking...
I was the one that pointed out the whole voting thing, just because I was curious.
While I still defend what I said (trust me, this is a subject where I've been there, done that... Just ask Jill, lol) I realize that I was the one that pointed it out, and then cut Mad Hoosier short when he responded.
After taking a second look, it still pisses me off that he said, "Now, if you are of age and sound mind to vote, but feel that you don't NEED to, then I don't even want to hear your complaining about this or that in politics. To me, you haven't earned the right to complain unless you have done your part to try to fix what you think is wrong, i.e. vote for the other guy." because it seems to me as if he's saying "Even though you're trying, your opinion means nothing to me because you didn't vote, but I'm still going to trash you on your blog for it." Which may or may not be the case.
Is this making sense???
If not, Ill have to finish tomorrow 'cause I'm too tire to go in depth tonight...
I think people can write comments without lashing out. If you don't agree with a story, state your reasons in a dignified manner and leave it at that.
After thinking some more, I think they apologized because you argued your point very well.
Love ya, lady.
That's what I'm trying to figure out how to do, Lucy. How to better relate my opinion without it sounding like I'm some kind of hysterical basket case, lol. It's not so easy when I'm talking about something that's important to me.
Then again, maybe I am an hysterical basket case and I should just accept it and leave it at that...
Woah, wait... did you say that I might have said something that made you take a second look at yourself? And it had nothing to do with breasts?
LMAO Martin! You say a lot of things that make me -umph hmm- 'think twice'. (As do the rest of the people here.) I just don't tell you too often because I don't want your ego to get too big. :o)
My breast are fine, thank you. And yourself?
PS: Do you really think I handled that argument well, Jenn? At times I thought I was doing pretty good, but then someone would say something and I realized I wasn't.
Love you too, girl! But only platonicly ;o) (Is that a word? Platonicly? Platonically? Platilonicly?)
Well, since I was mentioned specifically, I guess I will chime in.
I, like Fred, don't apologize for my opinion. I apologize for how my opinion made someone else feel. As Jill stated, and I agree, it seemed quite obvious that I had peeved someone off.
Call it lack of self-esteem if you want...I think someone did...but I just say it's my real demeanor.
In my apology post on my blog, I stated that I initially started my blog with the idea that I would offend people, and that I didn't really care. In the end, that's not who I am...I do care if I offend someone or make them mad...because I never intentionally set out to do that to anyone...ok almost never(if I'm being honest).
It is a little different since it was a reply on someone elses blog, rather than a topic that I posted on my own blog. I am not naive enough to believe that nothing I post on my blog will offend anyone. In fact, I am certain that it will...but it's on my own blog, and those that are offended can respond or not read.
I still stand by what I said...I tried to state several times in that very post that it wasn't meant to RT personally, rather my opinion as a whole toward those that can vote but choose not to. As a matter of fact, it someone else that made the statement initially. RT offered her opinion on that statement, and I offered my thoughts on the initial statement. I still don't know if RT voted in the past election or not. Also, it makes a difference, since it's obvious that RT wants to make a difference, whereas most that don't vote but still gripe, don't care to stand up to do their civic duty.
But let's put my arguement in a different context. Take a husband...we'll even say me...if I were to come home and gripe and complain to my wife about the house being dirty...yet all the while I walk through the house contributing to dirty dishes, dirty laundry, etc. and don't lift a finger to help out...many would say that they didn't want to hear my complaining if I wasn't going to pick up a rag and do some dishes or something.
Anwyay, in the end, tempers flared, I was accused of taking the subject off topic, though I was simply replying to points from RT's post, and it was clear to me that RT was peeved, as Jill put it.
So I dropped it and apologized. And I won't apologize for apologizing. :) Would it be so bad if the world was filled with more people that felt compelled to apologize rather than not giving a shit?
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