My Butterfly
OK, I've been promising Jill for months now that I would mention this, so here it is!
There's a butterfly that has been stuck to my cars radiator for well over a year now. I'm not sure when I hit it, but the first time I noticed it there was around July or Aug of 2003. Big and colorful with lots of different shades of brown and shimmering greens, the butterfly was the kind you might see flying around in the garden on a nice summer day. Although I was a bit sad that I had killed it, I didn't bother cleaning it off because I assumed it would fall off on it's own. And at the time I didn't really care one way or the other, I'm usually not that sentimental about dead things.
I didn't think much more about it until the second time I saw it, which was in Sept of 2003. I remember the day well because that was when the butterfly really caught my attention. I was amazed by the fact that after being on my car for at least a month, it was still just as bright and beautiful as the first time I saw it. I couldn't help but wonder how long it had been there, stuck to the grill, before I noticed it that first time. Again, I thought about cleaning it off, but this time I didn't because I had kind of a sick curiousity as to how long it would hang on if left alone.
Over the next few months, I kept a close eye on it. I wouldn't normally be so concerned with the plight of a butterfly corpse, but during that fall, I find myself becoming more and more obsessed with it. Just how long would it be there? For a while, it was the subject of some pretty lively conversation. I also found myself becoming attached it, almost dependent. Looking at my car every day and seeing that my butterfly was still there was somehow comforting.
It wasn't until Dec that I started to notice some changes. My butterfly wasn't looking quite so fresh anymore. It was still big and bright, but if you looked at it up close, you could see that the wings were starting to tatter a bit around the edges and about half of its body had deteriorated away. Still, it was noticable when I happened to glance towards the car, so I didn't worry much about the little changes. It had become a permanent fixture in my life.
Assuming that it would always be there, I stopped watching my butterfly so closely for a while. I would look over occasionally, see it there, then go on with whatever I was doing. That was, until one day in early spring when I went to wash the winter salt off my car. I usually hand wash my car -if I wash it at all- but the car was too dirty, so I took it to one of those spray wash places. As I was rounding the front and getting ready to soap down the grill, I saw the bright color and stopped dead in my tracks. It actually scared me that I had come so close to just washing my butterfly away! I finished with the car, being careful with the front, and have only hand washed it once since then because I don't want to take any more chances.
This past summer, I paid a little more attention to my butterfly, wondering how the heat would effect it. It deteriorated a lot faster, but I don't know if that was because of the heat, or just time taking its toll.
It is now late Sept 2004, most of the butterfly is gone. It's entire body is gone and what's left of the wings is now a dull brown with no more green shimmer. Although, you can still see the black veins and a few specks of white clearly on what's left. It's sad to see, but still, I can't bring myself to clean it off. I'm sure it won't last another winter, so I've been checking on it at least once, if not several times a day, just to see if it's completely gone yet. Much like how you would keep an eye on a beloved pet that you know is dying. I guess I just feel as though I should be there for it at the end... Again.
There's a butterfly that has been stuck to my cars radiator for well over a year now. I'm not sure when I hit it, but the first time I noticed it there was around July or Aug of 2003. Big and colorful with lots of different shades of brown and shimmering greens, the butterfly was the kind you might see flying around in the garden on a nice summer day. Although I was a bit sad that I had killed it, I didn't bother cleaning it off because I assumed it would fall off on it's own. And at the time I didn't really care one way or the other, I'm usually not that sentimental about dead things.
I didn't think much more about it until the second time I saw it, which was in Sept of 2003. I remember the day well because that was when the butterfly really caught my attention. I was amazed by the fact that after being on my car for at least a month, it was still just as bright and beautiful as the first time I saw it. I couldn't help but wonder how long it had been there, stuck to the grill, before I noticed it that first time. Again, I thought about cleaning it off, but this time I didn't because I had kind of a sick curiousity as to how long it would hang on if left alone.
Over the next few months, I kept a close eye on it. I wouldn't normally be so concerned with the plight of a butterfly corpse, but during that fall, I find myself becoming more and more obsessed with it. Just how long would it be there? For a while, it was the subject of some pretty lively conversation. I also found myself becoming attached it, almost dependent. Looking at my car every day and seeing that my butterfly was still there was somehow comforting.
It wasn't until Dec that I started to notice some changes. My butterfly wasn't looking quite so fresh anymore. It was still big and bright, but if you looked at it up close, you could see that the wings were starting to tatter a bit around the edges and about half of its body had deteriorated away. Still, it was noticable when I happened to glance towards the car, so I didn't worry much about the little changes. It had become a permanent fixture in my life.
Assuming that it would always be there, I stopped watching my butterfly so closely for a while. I would look over occasionally, see it there, then go on with whatever I was doing. That was, until one day in early spring when I went to wash the winter salt off my car. I usually hand wash my car -if I wash it at all- but the car was too dirty, so I took it to one of those spray wash places. As I was rounding the front and getting ready to soap down the grill, I saw the bright color and stopped dead in my tracks. It actually scared me that I had come so close to just washing my butterfly away! I finished with the car, being careful with the front, and have only hand washed it once since then because I don't want to take any more chances.
This past summer, I paid a little more attention to my butterfly, wondering how the heat would effect it. It deteriorated a lot faster, but I don't know if that was because of the heat, or just time taking its toll.
It is now late Sept 2004, most of the butterfly is gone. It's entire body is gone and what's left of the wings is now a dull brown with no more green shimmer. Although, you can still see the black veins and a few specks of white clearly on what's left. It's sad to see, but still, I can't bring myself to clean it off. I'm sure it won't last another winter, so I've been checking on it at least once, if not several times a day, just to see if it's completely gone yet. Much like how you would keep an eye on a beloved pet that you know is dying. I guess I just feel as though I should be there for it at the end... Again.
posted by RT at 4:21 AM
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